Daily Archives: September 20, 2002

War Fever

“You realize of course this means war!” said Groucho Marx to Louis Calhern in Duck Soup — a comedy that’s beginning to look like a documentary. And so Saddam Hussein (last seen as Satan’s “Insatiable Bottom” in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut) is Public Enemy Numbr One, replacing last season’s Public Enemy, Osama Bin Laden. Why? Well Afghanistan is just so Five Minutes Ago, isn’t it? And Osama may be dead after all or something. Besides we stupid Americans are sure to mistake one for the other. After all they’re Arabs, aren’t they? Eunice Stone wasn’t fooled. When she saw a trio of Muslims in a restaurant she called the cops. A Fortiori, she called Fox News!

Speaking as someone who survived Vietnam because I checked the Whoopie Box (“Do you have homosexual tendencies?” Tendencies? Really, darling! In Kindergarten they were “tendencies”) I must admit to mixed emotions. It’s going to be ugly. A lot of people who deserved to have long lives are going to have exceedingly short ones. But it’s going to give us all no end of material to write about.