Daily Archives: March 17, 2003

“My fellow citizens, events in Iraq have now reached the final days of decision.”

Though this decision was actually made many years ago.

“For more than a decade, the United States and other nations have pursued patient and honorable efforts to disarm the Iraqi regime without war. That regime pledged to reveal and destroy all of its weapons of mass destruction as a condition for ending the Persian Gulf War in 1991.”

For the purpose of taking over a sovereign nation and establishing a power base in that region of the world — while plundering its natural resouces.

“Since then, the world has engaged in 12 years of diplomacy. We have passed more than a dozen resolutions in the United Nations Security Council. We have sent hundreds of weapons inspectors to oversee the disarmament of Iraq.”

And have launched countless bombing raids in the “No-Fly Zone.”

“Our good faith has not been returned. The Iraqi regime has used diplomacy as a ploy to gain time and advantage. It has uniformly defied Security Council resolutions demanding full disarmament.”

As has Israel, but that’s another matter.

“Over the years, U.N. weapons inspectors have been threatened by Iraqi officials, electronically bugged and systematically deceived. Peaceful efforts to disarm the Iraq regime have failed again and again because we are not dealing with peaceful men.”

And becasue we are not peaceful men. Never have been.

“Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised.”

The vast majority of them given to him by us.

“This regime has already used weapons of mass destruction against Iraq’s neighbors and against Iraq’s people.”

As if we cared.

“The regime has a history of reckless aggression in the Middle East. It has a deep hatred of America and our friends and it has aided, trained and harbored terrorists, including operatives of Al Qaeda.”

Not one shred of proof of an Al Queda connection.

“The danger is clear: Using chemical, biological or, one day, nuclear weapons obtained with the help of Iraq, the terrorists could fulfill their stated ambitions and kill thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country or any other.”

And so we’ll kill thousands of innocent people in Iraq.

“The United States and other nations did nothing to deserve or invite this threat,”

ROTFALMAO!

“but we will do everything to defeat it. Instead of drifting along toward tragedy, we will set a course toward safety.”

Drifting.

“Before the day of horror can come, before it is too late to act, this danger will be removed.”

Creating many days of horror in the process.

“The United States of America has the sovereign authority to use force in assuring its own national security.”

True.

“That duty falls to me as commander of chief by the oath I have sworn, by the oath I will keep.”

That’s why you’re called “The Commander in Thief”

“Recognizing the threat to our country, the United States Congress voted overwhelmingly last year to support the use of force against Iraq.”

Yeah. Wish we had more than one political party.

“America tried to work with the United Nations to address this threat because we wanted to resolve the issue peacefully. We believe in the mission of the United Nations.”

LIAR! Everything you’ve done has been in order to destroy the United Nations — an impediment to your gang’s lust for power.

“One reason the U.N. was founded after the Second World War was to confront aggressive dictators actively and early, before they can attack the innocent and destroy the peace.

In the case of Iraq, the Security Council did act in the early 1990s. Under Resolutions 678 and 687, both still in effect, the United States and our allies are authorized to use force in ridding Iraq of weapons of mass destruction. This is not a question of authority, it is a question of will.”

Calling Leni Riefenstahl!

“Last September, I went to the U.N. General Assembly and urged the nations of the world to unite and bring an end to this danger. On November 8th, the Security Council unanimously passed Resolution 1441, finding Iraq in material breach of its obligations and vowing serious consequences if Iraq did not fully and immediately disarm.

Today, no nation can possibly claim that Iraq has disarmed. And it will not disarm so long as Saddam Hussein holds power.”

They can’t if you’ve pre-empted their so much as considering the matter.

“For the last four and a half months, the United States and our allies have worked within the Security Council to enforce that council’s longstanding demands. Yet some permanent members of the Security Council have publicly announced that they will veto any resolution that compels the disarmament of Iraq. These governments share our assessment of the danger, but not our resolve to meet it.”

In other words they can’t be bought.

“Many nations, however, do have the resolve and fortitude to act against this threat to peace, and a broad coalition is now gathering to enforce the just demands of the world.”

Britain and Spain being “many.”

“The United Nations Security Council has not lived up to its responsibilities, so we will rise to ours.”

See? They won’t do what we want so let’s ignore them.

“In recent days, some governments in the Middle East have been doing their part. They have delivered public and private messages urging the dictator to leave Iraq so that disarmament can proceed peacefully.”

Very private messages. Not made available to mere citizens.

“He has thus far refused.

All the decades of deceit and cruelty have now reached an end. Saddam Hussein and his sons must leave Iraq within 48 hours. Their refusal to do so will result in military conflict commenced at a time of our choosing.”

Insert the “We’re Going to War” number from Duck Soup here.

“For their own safety, all foreign nationals, including journalists and inspectors, should leave Iraq immediately.”

Lest you end up as fertilizer.

“Many Iraqis can hear me tonight in a translated radio broadcast, and I have a message for them: If we must begin a military campaign, it will be directed against the lawless men who rule your country and not against you.”

See? We don’t really mean to kill you. We simply have to kill you in order to save you from being killed by that evil Saddam.

“As our coalition takes away their power, we will deliver the food and medicine you need. We will tear down the apparatus of terror and we will help you to build a new Iraq that is prosperous and free.”

If any of you are left alive that is. Look at the prosperity and freedom we brought to Afganistan.

“In free Iraq there will be no more wars of aggression against your neighbors, no more poison factories, no more executions of dissidents, no more torture chambers and rape rooms.”

It’ll be Video games and TIVO all the way, folks!

“The tyrant will soon be gone. The day of your liberation is near.”

Really? What about ours? When will our tyrant be gone?

“It is too late for Saddam Hussein to remain in power. It is not too late for the Iraq military to act with honor and protect your country, by permitting the peaceful entry of coalition forces to eliminate weapons of mass destruction. Our forces will give Iraqi military units clear instructions on actions they can take to avoid being attack and destroyed.”

Just add water and stir.

“I urge every member of the Iraqi military and intelligence services: If war comes, do not fight for a dying regime that is not worth your own life.”

Please don’t make me do this to you! Very Peter Lorre.

“And all Iraqi military and civilian personnel should listen carefully to this warning: In any conflict, your fate will depend on your actions. Do not destroy oil wells, a source of wealth that belongs to the Iraqi people. Do not obey any command to use weapons of mass destruction against anyone, including the Iraqi people. War crimes will be prosecuted, war criminals will be punished and it will be no defense to say, “I was just following orders.” Should Saddam Hussein choose confrontation, the American people can know that every measure has been taken to avoid war and every measure will be taken to win it.”

In short “Don’t destroy the oil wells!”

“Americans understand the costs of conflict because we have paid them in the past. War has no certainty except the certainty of sacrifice.”

Which is why we’re against it.

“Yet the only way to reduce the harm and duration of war is to apply the full force and might of our military, and we are prepared to do so.”

War is Peace. Call Christopher Hitchens.

Nah, better let the old tosspot sleep it off.

“If Saddam Hussein attempts to cling to power, he will remain a deadly foe until the end.”

I thought it was the end already.

“In desperation, he and terrorist groups might try to conduct terrorist operations against the American people and our friends. These attacks are not inevitable. They are, however, possible.”

Sure. And the Bluebird of Happiness could fly out of Andrew Sullivan’s testosterone-engorged neck.

“And this very fact underscores the reason we cannot live under the threat of blackmail.”

But we have been. Ever since you took office.

“The terrorist threat to America and the world will be diminished the moment that Saddam Hussein is disarmed.”

Uh, no it won’t.

“Our government is on heightened watch against these dangers. Just as we are preparing to ensure victory in Iraq, we are taking further actions to protect our homeland.”

With duct tape and plastic wrap.

“In recent days, American authorities have expelled from the country certain individuals with ties to Iraqi intelligence services.”

Boy that sure helps!

“Among other measures, I have directed additional security at our airports and increased Coast Guard patrols of major seaports. The Department of Homeland Security is working closely with the nation’s governors to increase armed security at critical facilities across America.”

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

“Should enemies strike our country, they would be attempting to shift our attention with panic and weaken our morale with fear. In this, they would fail.”

Yeah, cause that’s a job for George W. Bush!

“No act of theirs can alter the course or shake the resolve of this country. We are a peaceful people, yet we are not a fragile people. And we will not be intimidated by thugs and killers.”

No wusses in the Good Ol’ U. S. of A.!

“If our enemies dare to strike us, they and all who have aided them will face fearful consequences.”

And even if they don’t they will face fearful consequences.

“We are now acting because the risks of inaction would be far greater. In one year, or five years, the power of Iraq to inflict harm on all free nations would be multiplied many times over. With these capabilities, Saddam Hussein and his terrorist allies could choose the moment of deadly conflict when they are strongest. We choose to meet that threat now where it arises, before it can appear suddenly in our skies and cities.”

“it’s a Bird, it’s a Plane — it’s one of the stars of South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut!”

“The cause of peace requires all free nations to recognize new and undeniable realities. In the 20th century, some chose to appease murderous dictators whose threats were allowed to grow into genocide and global war.”

Entering Fugue State.

“In this century, when evil men plot chemical, biological and nuclear terror, a policy of appeasement could bring destruction of a kind never before seen on this earth. Terrorists and terrorist states do not reveal these threats with fair notice in formal declarations.”

So because we’re making a formal declaration — we’re not terrorists!

“And responding to such enemies only after they have struck first is not self defense. It is suicide. The security of the world requires disarming Saddam Hussein now.”

So we’re going to kill you in order to keep us from killing ourselves.

“As we enforce the just demands of the world, we will also honor the deepest commitments of our country. Unlike Saddam Hussein, we believe the Iraqi people are deserving and capable of human liberty, and when the dictator has departed, they can set an example to all the Middle East of a vital and peaceful and self-governing nation.”

by serving as fertilizer.

“The United States with other countries will work to advance liberty and peace in that region. Our goal will not be achieved overnight, but it can come over time. The power and appeal of human liberty is felt in every life and every land, and the greatest power of freedom is to overcome hatred and violence, and turn the creative gifts of men and women to the pursuits of peace. That is the future we choose.”

It’s Futurama !

“Free nations have a duty to defend our people by uniting against the violent, and tonight, as we have done before, America and our allies accept that responsibility.

Good night, and may God continue to bless America.”

But before you go, let’s listen to the words of a man who really understood this situation — Cole Porter:

“The Farce was ended,
The curtain drawn,
And I at least pretended
That love was dead and gone.
But now from nowhere
You come to me as before,
To take my heart
And break my heart
Once more.

Get out of town,
Before it’s too late,my love.
Get out of town,
Be good to me, please.
Why wish me harm?
Why not retire to a farm
And be contented to charm
The birds off the trees?
Just disappear,
I care for you much too much,
And when you are near,
Close to me, dear
We touch too much.
The thrill when we meet
Is so bittersweet
That darling, it’s getting me down,
So on your mark, get set,
Get our of town.”