Yes friends, the world may be going to hell in the proverbial handbasket, but the “mainstream” media won’t be deterred from keeping its eye on the real ball — celebrity. And in a curious way they’re right to do so. For only celebrity breeds confidence — the assurance that every lie will pass muster as “truth.”
Ah yes “another woman.” How corny. Especially as she’s come a cropper at the box office in Oliver Stone’s bi-but-far-from-curious epic Alexander — the biggest period flop since the last Brad Pitt-starrer, Troy.
Or could it have been something more valid — like Brad’s hogging the mousse ?
Said “report” came in the form of sundry magazine covers, confected by sob-sisters and press agents, and put to bed some time ago. Depicting the golden couple on vacation, and decreeing what “happiness”was ins store for them in the near future (as the Star put it, “It’s Baby Time!”), they still beckon from supermarket news racks — eerie reminders of the brief shelf life of celebrity “news.”
But as Laci Peterson could have told Jen, were she not murdered by her husband Scott (Brad’s chief tabloid rival of late), pregnancy may well serve as an invitation to physical violence — Scott being one of a great number of hubsters who’ve offed their knocked-up wives.
Not that the dashing Pitt, whose “washboard abs” first brought him fame in Thelma and Louise is a “violent person” in “real life,” as far aswe know. But as with everyone else in the media what we know is primarily what we’re shown and encouraged to fantasize about. Pitt’s beauty, like that of his Friends -star wife needs no justification, or explication on any level. There’s nothing to say about either one of them really. They’re just there to be looked at. It’s only the spectacle itself that deminds comment — a vapidity redolent with iconographic strength.
“There was no confirmation that he had an affair with Angelina Jolie,” Jess Cagle, the People editor, said.
“We do know that a respect developed and they became friends and I’m not sure that sat well with Jennifer Aniston.
Likewise there was no justification of the frequently media-voiced claims that former Congressman Gary Condit had an affair with intern Chandra Levy and conspired to murder her. But that didn’t stop the press from “speculating” or seemingly intrepid gossip-vulture Dominick Dunne from fashioning a scenario (from questionable “sources”) involving sinister Arab hitmen in Condit’s employ icing the Intern That Knew Too Much (but what?) for the delictation of cable news fans and Vanity Fair readers alike
Did anyone give a shit?
“For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any speculation reported by the tabloid media.
“This decision is the result of much thoughtful consideration,” the statement said.
In other words, I probably was right about Brad hogging the mousse.
Translation: There was a Pre-nup.
Really? Too bad the editors if US and other similar sob sheets couldn’t have been extended a clue.
But maybe they wereand decided to ignore it. Who among them could resist yet another pic of Jen with her Mod au go go 60’s era haircut (recalling of the superbabes of The Knack ), and Brad with his hair varying from short to long, his face from bearded to smooth.
Again, the mousse !
The separation of the couple, which had the impact of the Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise breakup in 2001, came after four and a half years of marriage and months of rumor prompted when Aniston showed up at the opening of “Ocean’s Twelve” without her ring
Instead of a “smoking gun,” a smoking finger.
So what now for Brad and Jen.
Well he’s got a career to maintain, what with Troy tanking on the one hand and Ocean’s 12 doing nicely on the other. He may be a “star,” but in name only as his worth can be measured in “value added” terms alone. In other words there has yet to be a box office vehicle that millions turned out for solely because Brad Pitt was in it.
Jen’s situation is quite different. If she never worked another day in her life she could live like the Empress Angelina Jolie played in Alexander from Friends residuals alone. The movies she has made have been by and large cautious, low-budget affairs like The Object of My Affection and The Good Girl. She has yet to “put herself out there” a la Julia Roberts.
But why should you care? Hell, why should I care ? Because the real allure of the Brad and Jen story is the press angle. Apparently no one out there in medialand had an inkling of this. And even if they did there was nothing they could do about it, for Brad and Jen leak less than even the Bush White House.
In point of fact, the administration would do well to put Brad and Jen in charge of “Homeland Security.” For on the basis of their divorce alone they’re surely capable of handling such a sensitive issue better than this clown.