Daily Archives: January 11, 2005

Pitt Split Press Shit

LOS ANGELES (AFP) – The separation of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, one of the most famous couples in the world, has prompted reporters to spill ink by the gallon as the Hollywood press began to speculate about the cause of the breakup.

Yes friends, the world may be going to hell in the proverbial handbasket, but the “mainstream” media won’t be deterred from keeping its eye on the real ball — celebrity. And in a curious way they’re right to do so. For only celebrity breeds confidence — the assurance that every lie will pass muster as “truth.”

Aniston and Pitt called it quits on Friday after four years of marriage, as headlines and television shows wondered: Could it have been differences over the ideal moment to have a child? Was it interference from a growing friendship between Pitt and sultry actress Angelina Jolie?

Ah yes “another woman.” How corny. Especially as she’s come a cropper at the box office in Oliver Stone’s bi-but-far-from-curious epic Alexander — the biggest period flop since the last Brad Pitt-starrer, Troy.

Or could it have been something more valid — like Brad’s hogging the mousse ?

The break came as Pitt, 41, reportedly wanted so start a family, something Aniston, 35, wanted to put childbearing off in favor of her career.

Said “report” came in the form of sundry magazine covers, confected by sob-sisters and press agents, and put to bed some time ago. Depicting the golden couple on vacation, and decreeing what “happiness”was ins store for them in the near future (as the Star put it, “It’s Baby Time!”), they still beckon from supermarket news racks — eerie reminders of the brief shelf life of celebrity “news.”

People west coast editor Todd Gold said that was part of the reason. She also wanted to make sure her marriage would last, he said.

But as Laci Peterson could have told Jen, were she not murdered by her husband Scott (Brad’s chief tabloid rival of late), pregnancy may well serve as an invitation to physical violence — Scott being one of a great number of hubsters who’ve offed their knocked-up wives.

Not that the dashing Pitt, whose “washboard abs” first brought him fame in Thelma and Louise is a “violent person” in “real life,” as far aswe know. But as with everyone else in the media what we know is primarily what we’re shown and encouraged to fantasize about. Pitt’s beauty, like that of his Friends -star wife needs no justification, or explication on any level. There’s nothing to say about either one of them really. They’re just there to be looked at. It’s only the spectacle itself that deminds comment — a vapidity redolent with iconographic strength.

Then, there is speculation that Jolie, named sexiest woman by Esquire last year, caught Pitt’s eye, too, as they worked together on “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

“There was no confirmation that he had an affair with Angelina Jolie,” Jess Cagle, the People editor, said.

“We do know that a respect developed and they became friends and I’m not sure that sat well with Jennifer Aniston.

Likewise there was no justification of the frequently media-voiced claims that former Congressman Gary Condit had an affair with intern Chandra Levy and conspired to murder her. But that didn’t stop the press from “speculating” or seemingly intrepid gossip-vulture Dominick Dunne from fashioning a scenario (from questionable “sources”) involving sinister Arab hitmen in Condit’s employ icing the Intern That Knew Too Much (but what?) for the delictation of cable news fans and Vanity Fair readers alike

“It pointed to this problem they had through their marriage. They lived their life in a fishbowl. They could not do anything without speculation going rampant: Were they going to have a baby? Were they back together? Were they breaking up?”

Did anyone give a shit?

At any rate, Pitt and Aniston, anticipating a rain of rumor, released a statement:

“For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any speculation reported by the tabloid media.
“This decision is the result of much thoughtful consideration,” the statement said.

In other words, I probably was right about Brad hogging the mousse.

“We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another,” according to the statement.

Translation: There was a Pre-nup.

“They had decided to separate a while ago,” Cagle said, but pointed out the couple had planned this announcement and went ahead with it.

Really? Too bad the editors if US and other similar sob sheets couldn’t have been extended a clue.

But maybe they wereand decided to ignore it. Who among them could resist yet another pic of Jen with her Mod au go go 60’s era haircut (recalling of the superbabes of The Knack ), and Brad with his hair varying from short to long, his face from bearded to smooth.

“They’re just separated. Maybe they’ll get back together,” Cagle said but wonders why this private couple would go through all this trouble.

Again, the mousse !

“It is a very big deal for them.”
The separation of the couple, which had the impact of the Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise breakup in 2001, came after four and a half years of marriage and months of rumor prompted when Aniston showed up at the opening of “Ocean’s Twelve” without her ring

Instead of a “smoking gun,” a smoking finger.

So what now for Brad and Jen.

Well he’s got a career to maintain, what with Troy tanking on the one hand and Ocean’s 12 doing nicely on the other. He may be a “star,” but in name only as his worth can be measured in “value added” terms alone. In other words there has yet to be a box office vehicle that millions turned out for solely because Brad Pitt was in it.

Jen’s situation is quite different. If she never worked another day in her life she could live like the Empress Angelina Jolie played in Alexander from Friends residuals alone. The movies she has made have been by and large cautious, low-budget affairs like The Object of My Affection and The Good Girl. She has yet to “put herself out there” a la Julia Roberts.

But why should you care? Hell, why should I care ? Because the real allure of the Brad and Jen story is the press angle. Apparently no one out there in medialand had an inkling of this. And even if they did there was nothing they could do about it, for Brad and Jen leak less than even the Bush White House.

In point of fact, the administration would do well to put Brad and Jen in charge of “Homeland Security.” For on the basis of their divorce alone they’re surely capable of handling such a sensitive issue better than this clown.