Daily Archives: July 22, 2006

I don’t know what it is, but stories like this just make my day.

“SOUTH BEND, Indiana (AP) — A jury convicted a man Friday of killing his father, stepmother and two stepsisters 17 years ago inside their church parsonage home so he could attend some high school prom events.
The St. Joseph County jury found Jeffrey Pelley, now 34, guilty on four counts of murder after deliberating more than 25 hours since Wednesday. Pelley faces up to 260 years in prison when he is sentenced September 15.”

260 years? Now that’s what I call a Burn!.

“Prosecutors accused Pelley, a high school senior at the time, of using a shotgun to kill his father, the Rev. Robert Pelley; stepmother, Dawn; and stepsisters, Janel, 8, and Jolene, 6, in April 1989 at their home next to the Olive Branch Church of the United Brethren in Lakeville, about 10 miles south of South Bend.
Investigators said Pelley was angry because his father had grounded him for stealing and would allow him to attend only the prom dance, causing him to miss a prom dinner, a bowling alley party and an outing the next day at an amusement park outside Chicago.
Pelley was not charged in the deaths until August 2002, when authorities reinterpreted evidence. Pelley was living in Dade City, Florida, when he was arrested.”

Oh these Protestant childen! So high-strung, no? Wonder what he stole. Mom’s Prozac perchance? Nice delineation of punishment there. He could only attend the dance — not the dinner, bowling alley part and amusement park outing. So he killed them all. Yet he got away with it until “authorities reinterpeted the evidence.”

So what was the problem with the first “interpretation”? He must have put on a really good “grief” show.

“Prosecutors alleged Pelley shot his family members on the evening of the prom, disposed of the shotgun and shells, took a shower, put his clothes in the washer and left for the prom.
Pelley’s defense attorneys argued there wasn’t enough time for him to have done all that and still make it to the LaVille High School prom.
They also said no one could commit such a gruesome attack and still act “normal” during the prom events, as his friends testified during the trial.”

Hey, didn’t anybody see Rope ? The killers in that Hitchcock classic figured out the time scheme and were the very figure of savoir faire as the corpse of their victim lay in a trunk in their living room as they held the chicest of parties. Pelley, apparently, acted alone.

“The defense also questioned the decision by investigators not to look for fingerprints at the crime scene.
Police officers testified during the trial that they didn’t think they would find any usable prints and they thought it would be a waste of time because Pelley was their main suspect.
The shotgun used in the killings was never found.”

Needless to say there’s more to this story, and I for one will be keeping a sharp eye on the details as they unfold. Maybe there’s a something to “explain it all,” like recently-unearthed love letter Columbine killer Dylan Klebold wrote. But for the nonce there’s a song that’ s just about perfect for this occasion —

“It was Homecoming Night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
‘Cause my best friend Debbie was Homecoming Queen
She looked so pretty in pink chiffon. (Chiffon)
Riding the float with her tiara on. (Tiara on)
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand. (Bouquet)
She looked straight out of Disneyland!
You know that Cinderella ride
I mean definitely an E-ticket. (E-ticket)
The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something.
The band was playing ‘Evergreen’
Then all of a sudden, somebody screamed:
Look out! The Homecoming Queen’s got a GUN!!!

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Debbie’s smiling, and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh! Buffy’s pom poms just blew to bits
Oh no, Misty’s head just did the splits!
My best friend is on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbie, you’re embarrassing me!
How could you do what you just did
Are you having a really bad period?

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Stop it, Debbie, you’re making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress
An hour later, ,the cops had arrived
By then the entire glee club had died – no big loss
You wouldn’t believe what they brought to stop
Tear gas, machine guns… even a chopper!
Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of that float!
Debbie didn’t listen to what the cop said,
She aimed and fired, and now the math teacher’s dead!
Oh, it’s really sad, but kinda of a relief,
I mean we had this big test coming up next week…

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Debbie’s really having a blast!
She’s wasted half of the class!
The cops fired a warning shot and she dove off that float.
I tried to scream Duck! but it stuck in my throat.
She hit the ground and did a flip; it was real acrobatic.
But I was crying so hard, I couldn’t work my Instamatic.
I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out.
What made her do it, why’d she freak out?

I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear.
I knew then… the end was near.

So I ran down and said in her good ear.
Debbie, why’d you do it?
She raised her head and smiled and said.
I did it for Johnny.
Johnny, well like whose Johnny? Answer me Debbie whose Johnny.
Does anybody here named Johnny?
Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny.
But he was a total geek. He always had food in his braces.
Answer me Debbie whose Johnny.
Oh God this is like that movie Citizen King
You know where you later find out Rosemary was a slut
But we’ll never know who Johnny is because like she’s dead

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a
Everybody run
Everybody run the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun!”