Charles Bukowski Rolls Over in His Grave

Well folks, there it is in black and white on the pages and pixels of Pravda no less:

“His reaction was, ‘Where’s my drink?’ ” the former secretary of state cracked after the commission’s White House visit and Capitol Hill news conference. Reaching for his own cola, Eagleburger continued: “He was a little loaded. It was early in the morning, too, you know.”

Yes fans, George W. Bush was loaded. As the great Johnny Mercer put it for the delictation of the Chairman of the Board —

“Drinkin’ again and thinkin’ of when, when you loved me
I’m havin’ a few and wishin’ that you were here

Makin’ the rounds, accepting a round from strangers
Bein’ a fool just hopin’ that you’ll appear

Sure, I can borrow a smoke, maybe tell some joker a bad joke
But nobody laughs, they don’t laugh at a broken heart

Oh, yeah, I’m drinkin’ again, it’s always the same
That same old story
After the kicks there’s little old mixed-up me
Tryin’ to lose a dream that used to be

Look at me, I’m drinkin’ again, drinkin’ all over town
Yeah, I’m drinkin’ again”

But is “again” really operative here?

As Steve Gilliard notes, the tabloid press has made recent mention of Dubbya’s drinking too. But Steve’s fastidiousness about lawsuits is beside the point. The real point is not that Dubbya has resumed drinking but that he never stopped. Leave us not forget, no 12-step program or medial supervision was involved — just Jesus.

And as we know, Our Blessed Lord and Savior sure liked His wine.

A report on Dubbya’s medical history filed a few years back is most revealing — if read with care.

“He has admitted problems with alcohol consumption in the remote past. The week before election day 2000, reporters found record of an arrest ? conviction ? for driving while intoxicated in the 1970s.
It is unclear whether the DUI mentioned above is the same as the following incident: In late 1972 Bush took his then-16-year-old brother Marvin out drinking. On the way home Bush ran his car over a neighbor’s garbage cans. Confronted by his father, George W. challenged elder Bush to go “mano a mano” outside “

No wonder “Poppy’s” been tearing-up lately. I doubt Dubbya’s about to challenge him to rematch however.

Bush told his doctors in August 2001 that he currently abstains from alcohol. In 1999 he released a three-page statement from doctors saying he had “totally abstained from alcohol during the past 13 years”

The check is in the mail, and I promise not to come in your mouth.

“In 1999 Bush was jogging on a path in Austin, TX when a truck trailer overturned nearby. As chunks of concrete and wood dumped behind him he dove for cover, scraping his right leg and hip”

ie. falling down drunk.

“On December 14, 2001, Bush had four noncancerous skin lesions removed from his face. The Press learned of this only when Bush appeared before cameras with dark red spots on his face Commment: These are most likely actinic keratoses, as were the lesions removed from his face in August 2001, or perhaps basal cell carcinomas”

ie. Gin Blossoms.

“On January 13, 2002, Bush lost consciousness while sitting on a couch in the White House, watching a football game. His head hit the floor, resulting in an abrasion on his left cheekbone and a small bruise on his lower lip. The incident was blamed on a combination of (a) Bush not feeling well in previous days, and (b) an improperly eaten pretzel. Their combined effect was to slow the President’s heart. (The description suggests a vaso-vagal attack.) The period of unconsciousness was brief “

ie. He passed out drunk and fell off the couch.

“While holding a tennis raquet that may have impaired his coordination, Bush fell from a Segway scooter at the family compound in Kennebunkport, ME in June 2003. He was uninjured… except for the photographs of the event “

If the drunk can’t ride a bike why should it be assumed that he can navigate a Segway?

So he got back on the bike.

And of course fell off.


“Because of knee problems (see above), Bush took up bicycling for fitness. On May 22, 2004, he fell from his mountain bike during the 16th mile of a 17-mile course. (One report says he “sailed over the handlebars” ) Aids said Bush was going fast over topsoil that had been loosened by rain. He was wearing a helmet and mouthguard. Bush suffered “scrapes and scratches on his chin, upper lip, nose, right hand and both knees”
On July 7, 2005 Bush was bicycling fast in Scotland, about 45 minutes into his usual one-hour ride, when his mountain bike skidded out from under him on slick pavement. Bush (and/or the bicycle) hit a member of the local security detail. Bush was wearing a helmet. He suffered minor scrapes and bruises of the left hand and arm. Dr.Richard Tubb, the President’s physician, bandaged the hand, and was sent to look after the Scottish officer. “

And finally —

“Comment: It thus appears that Bush develops a certain jaw mannerism when stressed. Furthermore, like all humans, his body language changes when stressed.”

No shit, Sherlock.

And Dubbya’s “body language” isn’t that of the affable alcoholics sketched by Cassavetes, not to mention the existential drunks of Bukowski.

In the end of course it really doesn’t matter. We live in the world. George W. Bush and his ilk own it.

Far more than Mel Gibson owns Malibu.

There’s been much chat of Mary Cheney lately, in that her pregnancy is an insult to the party’s Fundie “Base” and — as she and her girlfriend Heater Poe live in Virginia — destined to tangle with that state’d prohibitions agains same-sex couples.

Surely the state of Virginia will make an exception for the lesbian daughter of so powerful a Republican.

If not, I’ll buy the next round!

1 comment

  1. chris December 9, 2006 11:11 pm 

    “For when you lay off the liquor,
    “You feel so much slicker …”

    And so does the nation who — allegedly — voted for you.

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