“Mission Accomplished” : The Musical

I trust you’ve heard by now — President Low Normal ain’t feelin’ so well these days:

“The President in an extended whine, a rant, actually, about no one understands him, the critics are all messed up, if only people would see what he’s doing things would be OK”

Awwwww — poor baby!

Well there’s a solution to every problem. For the American people it’s IMPEACH BUSH AND CHENEY NOW!!!!

For Dubbya himself, he’d be advised to take his cue from a song in
a Warner Bros. musical from 1943, that for some reason Ronald Reagan didn’t appear in.

Utilizing Hollywood to prop up idological failure was always Ronnie’s strong suit. And in Thank Your Lucky Stars there’s a marvelous Frank Loesser/ Arthur Schwartz number performed by
Errol Flynn that if done correctly just might distract the masses from four years of ruin, $500 Billion wasted dollars and hundreds of thousands of dead (Iraqi civilians count on the FaBlog, though not in what’s referred to as “the real world.”)

ERROL
I can see the questions in your eyes.
I can see the twitchin’ of your ears.
Now, it’s not to be repeated,
But, gentlemen, be seated,
And I’ll tell you where I’ve been for all these years.

MEN
If he’s very nicely treated,
And we keep his toddy heated,
He’ll tell us where he’s been for all these years.

ERROL
I was out on the blue Pacific with a Cruiser of the Fleet,
Hoppin’ over the side for me Saturday dip.
When I noticed a Jap torpedo whizzin’ by beneath my feet,
Comin’ lickety-split and headed for our ship.
So I stopped ‘er with me left, and I turned ‘er with me right,
And I aimed ‘er very careful and I shoved with all me might.
And I sank the sub what sent ‘er, and I roared with righteous wrath:
“That’s what you jolly well get,
That’s what you jolly well get,
Disturbin’ me Saturday evening bath.”

MEN
Hooray!
He’s won the war!
He’s won the war!

ERROL
But I’m modest to the core.

MEN
Hooray!
He’s won the war!
And though he’s rather shy,
He’s terribly, terribly shy,
He will admit he’s won the war.

ERROL
I was captured around Bengazi by a Nazi regiment
After polishin’ off ‘alf a thousand or more.
And it took ‘em two pairs of tanks to drag me into the General’s tent,
Where they started to search the uniform I wore.
When they took away my gun, I was pleasant as could be,
But then they took a letter what my sweetheart wrote to me.
So I bashed their bloomin’ brains in and I l lived to tell the tale.
That’s what they jolly well get,
That’s what they jolly well get
For readin’ a gentleman’s private mail.

MEN
Hooray!
He’s won the war!
He’s won the war!

ERROL
And I won the one before.

MEN
Hooray!
He’s won the war!
He hates to tell the tale,
But give him a barrel of ale,
And he’ll admit he’s won the war.

ERROL
I was ‘avin’ me leave in London back in nineteen-forty-one,
‘Avin’ breakfast in bed at a fancy address.
When a Jerry come by and drop a bomb that must’ve weighed a ton
It was difficult to collect myself, I guess.
So to Croydon Field I ran, and I hopped a plane from there.
Now, I couldn’t tell who done it — there was thousands in the air.
So I shot down all the blighters and I told ‘em all: “You see?
That’s what you jolly well get,
That’s what you jolly well get,
For splashin’ a gentleman’s cup of tea.”

MEN
Hooray!
He’s saved the day!
He’s saved the day!

ERROL
In my own quiet way.

MEN
Hooray!
He’s saved the day!
He always zips his lips,
But treat him with fish and chips,
And he’ll admit he’s saved the day.

Hooray!
He’s won the war!
He’s won the war!
This mighty conqueror!
Hooray!
He’s won the war!
So to this most heroic gent
We ought to erect a monument
And put it in Trafalgar Square
Where he can enjoy the open air!

(They throw Errol out the window.)

Hooray”

Can’t see Dubbya doin’ this? It’s about a pack of lies isn’t it? And that’s what BushCo is most famous for, no?

Alright then, let’s just cut to finale where the 1943 cast — which included Eddie Cantor, Dennis Morgan, Joan Leslie, Bette Davis, Ann Sherridan, Harrie McDaniel, Ida Lupino, John Garfield, Olivia DeHaviland, George Tobias and a host of others let loose with —

“How’s your love life?
Well, thank your lucky stars
Yes, thank your lucky stars
It’s doing fine
Keep your love life
As sweet as candy bars
And thank your lucky stars
Like I thank mine
Ev’rybody’s living on less and less
But you’re okay
You big success
You’ve got your love life
And that’s the only thing
They won’t be rationing
They don’t know how
So thank your lucky stars right now
Thank your lucky stars right now”

And if you don’t happen to be in Iraq, and have all your vitals intact — you can.

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