Daily Archives: July 11, 2007

Now that the “Straight Talk Express” has crashed and burned (to the considerable consternation of Mrs. Alan Greenspan among others), it’s most amusing to come across the RADAR Item, in which St. McCain blames his decline and fall on. . . sweaters:

In the final days of his imploding candidacy, John McCain has taken a page out of Richard Nixon’s play book, finding increasingly bizarre explanations for his political failures. Strangest of all: He reportedly feels his handlers forced him to wear “gay sweaters.”

Less Richard Nixon than George Axelrod, who in his masterpiece celebrated the charms of Goddess Supreme Tuesday Weld.

As a Southern Califoria High School girl, anxious to get in with the “with it” crowd in a pivotal scene Weld seduces her own father
(Max Showalter) into buying her cashmere sweaters with such thrilling colors as “Peach Put-Down, ” Perriwinkle PUssycat,” and “Papaya Surprise.”

History tells us that Lana Turner was the first “Sweater Girl” of note. And so in her honor here’s Frank O’Hara’s immortal tribute:

“Lana Turner has collapsed!
I was trotting along and suddenly
it started raining and snowing
and you said it was hailing
but hailing hits you on the head
hard so it was really snowing and
raining and I was in such a hurry
to meet you but the traffic
was acting exactly like the sky
and suddenly I see a headline
LANA TURNER HAS COLLAPSED!
there is no snow in Hollywood
there is no rain in California
I have been to lots of parties
and acted perfectly disgraceful
but I never actually collapsed
oh Lana Turner we love you get up”

John McCain has collapsed too. But he’s not getting up.