Fait Divers: Color Me Allah!

“It’s that man again!”.

Just in time for the 5th anniversary of 9/11, Osama Bin Forgotten has sent the world his latest video. And it looks like radical Islam’s head honcho has gone Metrosexual.

“The jihadist Web site announced the tape with a banner, showing a still picture of bin Laden, now 50 years old, looking fit with a full beard of dark black hair, no gray at all.
“It does look oddly like he is wearing a false beard,” Richard Clarke, a former White House counterterrorism official and now ABC News consultant, said. “If we go back to the tape three years, he had a very white beard. This looks like a phony beard that has been passed on.”
The “phony beard” may be an important clue as to where bin Laden is hiding, according to Clarke.
“One place where a beard would stand out would be southeast Asia, the Philippines, Indonesia,” Clarke told ABC News. “No one’s thought he was there, but that is an environment where most men, Muslim men don’t have beards.”

A fake beard? An interesting theory, but it doesn’t explain the eyebrows.

Let’s face it folks, Osama has discovered “Just For Men”:

“For Moustache, Beard, Temples and Sideburns…Blends Away Gray…Keeps Your Natural Color…Long Lasting! “

Can’t you see the ads now?

“Osama Bin Ladin here. I bring you the blessings of the prophet and exciting news about that which has changed my life — and will surely change yours. Hair dye.

Are your prayers getting listless? Are your locks getting scraggily? Do your fellow cave-dwellers laugh at you behind their djhabillas?
Well praise Allah for this new wonder formula Just For Osama.

Yes, God is Great – but so is hair dye. So comb that gray away and DEATH TO THE INFIDEL!!!”

But hold! From the looks of his skin in the new video, the lack of cave-pallor suggests that Osama’s been hitting the “Light Egyptian” — that special make-up formula MGM invented for Lena Horne.

Get me rewrite!

3 Comments

  1. n69n September 14, 2007 3:26 pm 

    that is *not* the same person.
    the eyes are farther apart, thinner pointier nose…

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