Oxycontin Chic

“I’m waiting for my man
Twenty-six dollars in my hand
Up to Lexington, 125
Feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
I’m waiting for my man

Hey, white boy, what you doin uptown?
Hey, white boy, you chasin our women around?
Oh pardon me sir, its the furthest from my mind
I’m just lookin for a dear, dear friend of mine
I’m waiting for my man

Here he comes, hes all dressed in black
Pr shoes and a big straw hat
Hes never early, hes always late
First thing you learn is you always gotta wait
I’m waiting for my man

Up to a brownstone, up three flights of stairs
Everybodys pinned you, but nobody cares
Hes got the works, gives you sweet taste
Ah then you gotta split because you got no time to waste
I’m waiting for my man

Baby dont you holler, darlin’ dont you bawl and shout
I’m feeling good, you know I’m gonna work it on out
I’m feeling good, I’m feeling oh so fine
Until tomorrow, but that’s just some other time
I’m waiting for my man”

The song of course is about real heroin. These days the NYT is only interested in the Hillbilly kind.

“After the show, Limbaugh and I sat in the studio for several hours talking. He was in an expansive mood, and he didn’t duck when I asked him about the most infamous chapter of his career, his drug bust. In 2006, after years of addiction to painkillers, Limbaugh was charged in Florida with “doctor shopping” prescriptions. He pleaded not guilty and cut a deal; the charges would be dismissed after 18 months if he continued rehabilitation and treatment with a therapist.
Needless to say, the case became a national scandal. His enemies jeered that the white knight of American conservatism was a junkie. His fans feared the scandal might end his career. Some prayed for him. Limbaugh’s lawyer, Roy Black, hired a Florida psychologist, Steve Strumwasser, to evaluate his client.
“I assessed Rush, and I saw he had a problem he couldn’t control,” Strumwasser told me in a phone interview authorized by Limbaugh. “I knew his name and what he did for a living, but that’s about it.”
Strumwasser recommended that Limbaugh check into the Meadows, in Wickenburg, Ariz., a rehab center that specializes in celebrities.
“They guarded his privacy, but other than that, he was treated like everybody else,” said Strumwasser, who traveled with him to Arizona and checked him in. “Rush did individual therapy, took part in group sessions and got along with everybody.”
According to Strumwasser, Limbaugh had previously tried twice to stop using drugs on his own and failed. “It takes most people a lot of time to assume personal responsibilityfor an addiction,” he said. “Especially in a case like this, where there is a professional risk involved. But by the time I met him, Rush wasn’t denying his problem at all. He went about getting better in a very passionate way.”
The passion was muted when Limbaugh returned to the air, after six weeks. He candidly but drily, discussed his addiction and legal status, told his listeners that he was not a victim and then went on with the broadcast.
In the studio the day we spoke, Limbaugh was more emotional. “I thank God for my addiction,” he told me. “It made me understand my shortcomings.” Being Limbaugh, he said he believes that most of these shortcomings stemmed from his inability to love himself sufficiently. “I felt everyone who criticized me was right and I was wrong,” he confided. “

You got it right the first time, fat boy. Isn’t it sweet to have so many friends in high places? Rusty doesn’t have what it takes, like Downey. Wouldn’t have lasted a nanosecond in the slammer.

As expected a passing mention of yours truly is included in this hagiographic circle jerk.

“So far Limbaugh’s tactic has been to frame his attacks on Obama in the words of liberals themselves. Among the musical parodies, which he writes with the comedian Paul Shanklin, in his arsenal is “Barack the Magic Negro,” sung to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon,” by a dead-on Al Sharpton impersonator. The song was met by indignation when he first played it in March – until Limbaugh revealed that the title and the idea of Obama as a redemptive black man à la Sidney Poitier – came from an op-ed piece written by a black commentator, David Ehrenstein, in The Los Angeles Times.”

Oh right. Since I’m black that makes Rusty and Company OK.

Well it doesn’t. But there’s no arguing with the criminal upper classes of the fourth estate, currently searching for the next Judy Miller.

Let’s conclude with a chorus from a junkie I deeply respect.

4 Comments

  1. Gary M July 2, 2008 9:43 pm 

    Now, now, don’t complain. You know damn well that when Oliver makes his crackpot bio “Talent on Loan from God!” in 2011, they’ll charmingly ask you to stop by the Beverly Hills Hotel and meet the 35 year old Creole actor who’s been studying up to play you. He’s read all your stuff, he’ll learn to imitate your voice, you’ll get a nice assignment from Vanity Fair to write about it…

  2. David E July 2, 2008 10:00 pm 

    After I bitch-slapped him silly over JFK — and thus prevented him from making The Mayor of Castro Street — Oliver knows well enough to keep his distance from me.

    It’s a general rule, Gary. Cross me and I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck.

  3. chezdan9 July 3, 2008 12:52 pm 

    Everytime I hear that fat douchebag’s voice, the only song I can think of is “Paranoid Android” by Radiohead:

    “…When I am king
    You will be first against the wall…”

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