Fait Diver: Two Old Farts

Surely the facts are not in dispute:

“The world’s oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”
It heads the world’s oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton on Thursday.
A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second — “How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.”
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons — “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key.”
“Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles,” said the report’s writer Dr Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the university.
“What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research.”
The study was commissioned by television channel Dave. The top 10 oldest jokes can be viewed at www.dave-tv.co.uk. “

Cue David Letterman to make mention of the fact that John McCain was the very Summarian who told said joke.

And speaking of that old fart

one of his (as far as we know, unpaid) publicists at Pravda has been given to comparing his Presidential campaign rival, Barack Obama, to Keanu Reeves.

This makes a lot more sense than comparing him to Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears, as a recent much-discussed campaign ad has done in that Obama, like Reeves is both a genital male AND bi-racial. And neither of them is Neil Patrick Harris

But the true “bottom line” is hammered home by yet another (so far as we known unpaid) Pravda publicist:

“In the dog days of summer, John McCain’s political personality has become so fuzzy that even some Republicans are worrying about his viability. But if you want a reminder of why McCain should be a formidable candidate, take another look at his remarkable 1999 autobiography, “Faith of My Fathers.”
McCain’s account is as revealing as Barack Obama’s memoir, “Dreams From My Father.” Both candidates have written powerful accounts of their formative experiences. Each tale is woven around the universal theme of fathers and sons.”

Oh yeah, just like THIS! (Not)

“Given the psychological torments that often drive politicians, it’s a blessing to have two candidates who have examined their lives carefully and appear to understand their inner demons.”

And we all know how painful that can be.

“But these two memoirists couldn’t have more different stories to tell, and that’s what should make the 2008 campaign so interesting. Where Obama describes a quest for an absent father and an African American identity, McCain’s early story is about learning to accept the legacy of a famous family where both his father and grandfather were four-star admirals.
McCain was a wild man in his youth, drinking and chasing women like a renegade prince of Navy royalty. He is brutally frank in his description of this protracted adolescence, describing his years at the Naval Academy as ‘a four-year course of insubordination and rebellion.’ “

Hubba-Hubba!

“McCain’s burden, and ultimately his salvation, was the military code of honor that his forefathers embodied. He was from a family of professional warriors, as far back as he could trace his ancestors, and he says this gave him a “reckless confidence” and a sense of fatalism. But it also produced an unshakable bond with his fellow officers and enlisted men — and to the nation they had pledged to serve. Leadership, the art of guiding men courageously in war, was the family business.”

We’re all familiar with “the business.”

“The McCain story converges on his 5 1/2 years as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. In the conventional telling, it is a tale of heroism — how McCain refused an offer of early release, how he braved torture year after year, how he turned his insolent anger against his captors.
Certainly all those heroic details are present in McCain’s memoir, and in his political appeal this year. The Vietnam legacy of steadfastness motivated him to resist American failure in Iraq and to agitate, sometimes almost alone, for what came to be called the “surge” of U.S. troops. When he says he preferred political defeat for himself to military defeat for his country, he is telling the truth. With an ex-POW’s stubbornness, he could not abide the notion of failure and dishonor for U.S. forces.
But what makes McCain’s account of his captivity truly remarkable is not the heroism but the humility. In page after page, he praises men who he insists were braver than he was. Though even the toughest prisoners were broken by torture, he cannot forgive himself for signing his own confession: ‘I shook, as if my disgrace were a fever.’ He survived through solidarity with other prisoners who were ‘a lantern of courage and faith that illuminated the way home with honor.’ “

ie. everything but the hound dogs snappin’ at his (damp) rear end.

“McCain’s triumph, finally, was that he got over Vietnam. He didn’t fulminate against antiwar activists. (“I have made far too many mistakes in my own life to forever disparage people.”) He accepted the ways America had changed in his absence. He didn’t bear grudges. He had finally grown up. McCain wrote in a magazine article soon after his homecoming in March 1973: “Now that I’m back, I find a lot of hand-wringing about this country. I don’t buy that. I think America today is a better country than the one I left nearly six years ago.”
That healing gift is what McCain, at his best, brings to the presidential race — not the brass marching band of military valor but the tolerance of someone who has truly suffered. It’s evident in his achievements as a senator: He had been tortured himself, so he campaigned, against intense pressure from the Bush administration, for a ban on torture; he had been caught as one of the “Keating Five” in a sleazy campaign finance scandal, so he defied his party and became a crusader for campaign finance and ethics reforms.”

Proving once again how good PR can paper over almost any criminal act.

“What’s damaging the McCain campaign now, I suspect, is that this fiercely independent man is trying to please other people — especially a Republican leadership that doesn’t really trust him. He should give that up and be the person whose voice shines through the pages of his life story.”

Oh we know that story. All of it.

1 comment

  1. Bakunin August 3, 2008 10:47 pm 

    “this fiercely independent man is trying to please other people ”

    Spare me! Hasn’t he been doing that his entire life?

Leave a comment