The Curse of Alain Delon


“What’s all this I’m hearing about a “Fonzie Scheme”? The Fonz has been scheming? Scheming who?Mrs. Cunningham? Arthur’s such a nice young man. Now I’m sure we all recall that shark business, don’t we?”

“Would someone like that scheme to take Mrs. Cunningham’s money away? Would Arthur end up like THIS ?

NEW YORK – Saying he was “deeply sorry and ashamed,” Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty Thursday to pulling off perhaps the biggest swindle in Wall Street history and was immediately led off to jail in handcuffs to the delight of his seething victims. Madoff, 70, could get up to 150 years in prison when he is sentenced in June.
In refusing to let the disgraced financier remain free on bail until then, U.S. District Judge Denny Chin noted that Madoff had the means to flee and an incentive to do so.
The plea did not satisfy many investors who had hoped Madoff would be forced to name any family members or others who helped him swindle them out of billions of dollars. He pleaded guilty to all 11 charges against him — with no deal with prosecutors — meaning he is under no obligation to disclose names and tell authorities where the money went. He is not believed to be cooperating with prosecutors.
“I am actually grateful for this opportunity to publicly comment about my crimes, for which I am deeply sorry and ashamed,” Madoff, speaking softly but firmly, said in his first public comments about his crimes since the scandal broke in early December.
DeWitt Baker, an investor who attended the hearing and said he lost more than $1 million with Madoff, called it “fantastic” that Madoff’s bail was revoked but belittled the apology.
“I don’t think he has a sincere bone in his body,” said Baker, who added that prison time would be too good for Madoff. “I’d stone him to death.”

Well nobody’s going to stone The Fonz to death, Ms. Litella. And no one’s going to stone Bernard Madoff either — though if he’s sent to The REAL Prison his fate will doubtless be a decidedly unattractive one. At the moment the fate I’m most interested in is that of professional journalsim — which is currently being shown up for the shallow travesty that its become by a professional comedian.

Yes, there’s a lot to say about the legalized gambling racket known as “The Stock Market.” And as much as I admire Jon Stewart (an admiration at this point knows no bounds) I would be remiss in failing to point out that the first major media figure to provide us with The Fucking Truth was the late, great Michelangelo Antonioni.

Alain Delon’s no Fonz, Ms. Litella. He’s Jim Cramer’s idealized dream of himself. Quite a visual gap there I know, and not just because Cramer doesn’t have Gianni Di Venanzo as his DP, and he doesn’t remotely resemble Alain Delon. For even in interpersonal underhandedness, Alain has the edge.

But in every other respect it’s the same story. So (thanks for the cue suggestion, Jon) sing us out Carly —

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