Hate to admit it but Eugene does have a point (George Sanders voice) An idiotic one but a point nonetheless (end George Sanders voice ) Surely otherwise heterosexual gentleman on taking an otherwise routine business flight to Pittsburgh have discovered thanks to TSA that they’ve been harboring Strange Twilight Urges. Just think of the impact this has been having on average everyday Americans.
“Oh. . . .Marsha.”
“I’ve got something to tell you Marsha. I’ve suddenly realized I have. . .desires I never knew I had before.”
“And that’s not all, Marsha — there’s Marshall.”
“The TSA officer. I’m in love, Marsha!”
Babs put it best.
Needless to say, such simple honesty means nothing to Eugene, besotted as he is with Bulwer-Lytton.
“One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.
As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.
Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.
Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.
My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.
Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized.
As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.”
Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.
You see, even though homosexuals are just 1% of the population, if every one sent a petition to Congress it would generate a tidal wave of two or three million petitions or more.
Hundreds of thousands of pro-homosexual petitions will soon flood Congress , and my friends in Congress tell me there’s virtually nothing on Capitol Hill from the tens of millions of Americans like you who oppose the radical Homosexual Agenda and the Gay Bill of Special Rights.
I made up my mind that night to write to you and as many other patriotic Americans as possible. To stop the Radical Homosexuals and protect traditional marriage there must be an immediate outpouring from folks like you.”
Oh Pink Martini —