Daily Archives: March 8, 2011

Surely the facts could use Nathan Lane.

“The Archdiocese of Philadelphia announced Tuesday that it had placed 21 priests on administrative leave from active ministry in connection with credible charges that they had sexually abused minors. “


“The mass suspension was one of the single most sweeping in the history of the sexual abuse scandal in the Roman Catholic Church in the United States. It follows a damning grand jury report issued Feb. 10 that accused the archdiocese of a widespread cover-up of predatory priests stretching over decades and that said as many as 37 priests remained active in the ministry despite credible allegations of sexual abuse against them.”

Again, “Credible” ?

“The church apparently found no credible charges against eight of the priests.”

Enough with the “credible” already!
Let’s get down to cases. What are talking about? Torn rectums? Cum-stained sheets? Bel Ami videos? Sondheim Cds?

“As for the rest, three were already placed on administrative leave, and five others would have been subject to leave but were no longer active.”

They weren’t “active” cause they were Bottoms.

“Two of those five no longer serve in the archdiocese but are members of a religious order; the archdiocese said it had notified the superiors of the religious order as well as the bishops of the diocese in which they live.”

Oh that’ll do the trick. Doubtless they’ll eventually ship them off to another parish. Palm Springs perhaps. Back in the 80’s I met two priests who ran a “clothing optional” bed and breakfast on Warm Sands Drive and celebrated Mass on alternate Sundays. Both were pedos. One was eventually caught and went to prison where he was murdered. Never found out what became of the other one.

“Church officials, including Cardinal Justin Rigali, the archbishop of Philadelphia, have spent the last few days informing the priests of their status after an initial review of their cases by Gina Smith, an outside lawyer hired by the church to re-examine their cases in light of the grand jury report.”

Translation: “Darlings they’re on to you. Make yourselves scarce.”

“The cardinal said the suspensions were interim measures, pending fuller investigations of their cases.”

Time wounds all heels.

“He also apologized for the behavior of abusive priests.
“As we strive to move forward today,” Cardinal Rigali added, “I wish to express again my sorrow for the sexual abuse of minors committed by any members of the church, especially clergy.”
“I am truly sorry for the harm done to the victims of sexual abuse, as well as to the members of our community who suffer as a result of this great evil and crime,” he said. “

Translation: “Damned kids! Why can’t they keep their mouths shut?”

“The announcement Tuesday was a major embarrassment for Cardinal Rigali, who, in response to the grand jury report, had initially said that there were no priests in active ministry “who have an admitted or established allegation of sexual abuse of a minor against them.”

“Admitted or Established.” Doncha just love it?

“The district attorney immediately indicted five people — two priests, a former priest, a parochial school teacher and a high-ranking church official.”

And a partridge in a pear tree.

“Within 10 days of the grand jury report, Cardinal Rigali placed three other priests whose activities had been detailed by the grand jury on administrative leave.
The archdiocese said that the cases against the priests on administrative leave involved a range of charges, “from allegations of sexual abuse of a minor to boundary issues with minors.” It did not elaborate. “

Of course it didn’t. It was too busy elaborating its opposition to gay marriage. And speaking of marriage here’s My Fair Lady to the rescue again.

Take it away Mr. Cukor!