Daily Archives: May 18, 2011


We read the news today, Oh Prunella!

“Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, separated after she learned he had fathered a child more than a decade ago — before his first run for office — with a longtime member of their household staff.”

Cue Howard!

“A bounty of as much as $1 million is probably being offered for the first picture of the child, said veteran Hollywood publicist Howard Bragman.

“They will be hunted like Bin Laden by the paparazzi,” he said”

Well that didn’t take long.


And now the (preliminary) details.

“LOS ANGELES – Arnold Schwarzenegger confessed having a love child only after the mother threatened to go public with details of the steamy affair, it was reported Wednesday.

With his decade-old secret about to come to light, the former California governor and action star revealed the child’s existence to his wife, Maria Shriver.

The bombshell revelation came after Schwarzenegger had a blow-up with the mother of his love child – identified in reports as 50-year-old housekeeper Mildred “Patty” Baena.

“She admitted to friends how she finally wanted to tell the secret – that she had kept faithfully for 14 years – to the world,” a confidante of Baena told Radaronline.com and Star Magazine.”

No use wasting time chatting with the NYT or LAT, right Mildred?

“Baena, who bought a new four-bedroom house with a pool about two hours north of Los Angeles last year, filed for divorce from her husband in February 2008, court records show.

The longtime employee struck up a sexual relationship with Schwarzenegger in the late 1990s and didn’t tell the actor he was the father until the boy was a toddler, TMZ reported.”

Don’t you wonder about how Arnold’s other women handled the news after The Terminator became The Impregnator?


“Two of the couple’s four children took to Twitter.”

where they signed in as “Shriver.”

“This is definitely not easy but I appreciate your love and support as i begin to heal and move forward in life. I will always love my family,” wrote eldest child Kristina Schwarzenegger, 21.

Her brother Patrick then quoted music lyrics saying “some days you feel like shitt, some days you want to quit and just be normal for a bit.”

“Normal” is an exceptionally relative term in this context.

“The former Mr. Universe, now trying to stage a Hollywood comeback, battled accusations of sexual misconduct during his initial run for the California governor’s office, and his crude sexual advances have been an open secret in Hollywood for decades.

Shriver, 55, stood by Schwarzenegger and vouched for his integrity, all but sealing his election victory.

After admission of his infidelity, a 2003 story in the London Daily Mail that claimed Schwarzenegger fathered a son with his personal flight attendant Tammy Tousignant quickly resurfaced.

“It’s not his child,” a legal source close to the Tousignant family told the News.

The source confirmed “scientific tests” disproved Schwarzenegger’s paternity years ago.”

Ah but there have been rumors of other Non-Maria-Mothered offspring. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile in other Fucking The Help News


there’s this inadvertently “hilarious NYT op-ed

“SINCE Sunday, when Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the head of the International Monetary Fund, was arrested on sexual assault charges in New York, French politicians have been loudly expressing their horror at his “violent” treatment at the hands of America’s criminal justice system. It must be a shock to them: the sight of a top French establishment figure being treated like an ordinary criminal is about as rare as a photo of the Queen of England in a bikini.”

Wasn’t Princess Diana sufficient?

“But they are not merely voicing their concern for an esteemed colleague; many of them are also thinking, “There but for the grace of God (or rather the grace of living in France and not the United States) go I.”
France may think it had a revolution, but in fact it just got a new, and even more powerful, elite. They believe themselves so indispensable to the running of the country that trying to topple one of them is a bit like threatening to shoot a prize racehorse for nibbling your lawn. You’re meant to shut up and let them nibble.”

So how does this differ from Arnold and Mildred?

“This is why the French establishment sees Mr. Strauss-Kahn — rather than the traumatized chambermaid the police say he attacked — as the victim. The same case would never have come out in the open in Paris. The woman would have been quietly asked whether she thought it was worth risking her job and her residence permit. She would have been reminded that it was her word against his, and frankly, whom would people believe? The witty, famous man with the influential friends, or the nobody?
French politicians are known to be serial seducers, and as a rule no one bothers them about it. It is widely accepted that a male politician can combine efficiency in his job with a tendency to leap into bed with as many people as possible. And maybe it’s true — the French eat a balanced diet and have lots of energy.”

“The danger is, however, that their reputation as “chauds lapins” (hot rabbits), to use the French term, can give them a sense of impunity. Surely it’s a thin line between thinking that because you’re powerful and famous, everyone will succumb to your charms, and assuming that anyone who resists is being unreasonable. By this logic, forcing yourself on an unwilling partner is only making her bow to the inevitable. It’s all very Louis XIV.”

“And it’s also a thin line between sexual impunity and legal impunity. In 2004, Alain Juppé, a former prime minister, was convicted of corruption. He was given an 18-month suspended prison sentence and barred from public office for 10 years because, in the words of the judge, he had “betrayed the confidence of the people.” But he appealed and today is foreign minister, representing France on the world stage.
Jacques Chirac was implicated in the same scandal, but benefited from presidential immunity until 2007. Since then, all attempts to bring him to justice have stalled, and the whole affair is now treated as something of a running joke.
The most telling parallel with the Strauss-Kahn case is that of Roman Polanski. Whatever his talents as a filmmaker, he fled the United States to France in 1978 to avoid being sentenced for unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl. When he was arrested in Switzerland in 2009, at the request of the American authorities, the whole of the French cultural establishment rose up to defend him. “

As well they should have since he was set-up by a whore and her pimp.

“At this year’s Césars ceremony (the French equivalent of the Oscars), Mr. Polanski received an award for “The Ghost Writer,” which, to quote France’s most respected newspaper, Le Monde, “marked his return to the family after his legal troubles.” They made it sound like a speeding ticket. “

Playing the Polanski Card is ever so easy, isn’t it?

“All of which leads me to my belief that even if Dominique Strauss-Kahn is convicted and has to serve time, he will someday return to France, publish his autobiography (which will, of course, be adapted for the big screen by Mr. Polanski) and eventually be made a government minister. Minister of gender equality, perhaps?”

Why a Polanski film? Why not a Sondheim musical?

Sing us out boys!