Telling Dad The Truth is often traumatic — And sometimes much worse than that.
“Reddit user RegBarc posted the disturbing missive, and writes:
‘In August of 2007, I finally built up the courage to tell my father I was gay. The moment I said it, the phone got quiet and he got off the phone after a few “Okay”s. I decided to give him time to process the news. About a week later, and not long before my birthday, I received the following letter:
“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad.”
‘It’s important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I’ve never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn’t drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: Fuck You, Dad.’
RegBarc. adds —
“I’m the adoptive dad of a kid who came out when he was about 15. Yeah it’s sometimes difficult when this happens because no parent wants to see a kid we love get hurt – and like it or not – being gay can mean some people will wish you ill simply for who you are.
And that’s hard for any parent. But it’s no excuse.
As an adoptive parent, I’m not my kids “father.” That’s biological. But I am his Dad. Because “Dad” isn’t something that’s actually biological, it’s something you have to earn.
With my son , I started to earn it the day he was born, but it was pretty easy until his second year when he had an accident and got hurt. The doctor in the ER strapped him to the “papoose board” to immobilize him and was about to start stitching up his head when he told me it was time for me to let go of his little hand. He looked up at me and whatever he saw in my face, he instantly said “or you can stay I guess.” I have no clue what he saw, except the fact that getting me to let go of that tiny hand was about as possible one of us jumping up through the ceiling to the moon.
The lesson for me that day is that any idiot can be a father (and clearly many are) but you’ve got to EARN being a Dad.
When my son came out to us, same deal. I was concerned, because I never had to deal with it before in someone I love. But we simply hooked him up with 1 in 10 and went on with our lives.
So here’s the opinion of someone who’s been in your dad’s shoes, but didn’t have his sad mental baggage.
Your dad failed a really huge parenting test. Period.
So now he’s self selected to be your father, but not to be your Dad. That sucks. And the really sad thing is that he has absolutely no freaking clue about the real value of what he’s tossed away.
He’ll always be your father. That’s biology. But biology is fickle. We know this because while he has perhaps passed a lot to you via DNA, he did NOT pass along intolerance or stupidity. He can “disown” you in his brain all he likes, but that doesn’t mean much because he’s already proved that whatever his strengths might be, he’s allowed his thought processes and natural instincts to become seriously flawed. How you feel about him. Hurt, sad, angry, disappointed, that’s yours to shuffle as you see fit.
But trust me, this is about him, not you. I actually hope that someday he gets a change to look deeply in his heart and comes to understand how horribly, terribly he screwed this up. If so, he’ll maybe have a chance to start some personal redemption and healing. But he needs that. You don’t.
Cuz there’s nothing wrong with you. At all.
Stay strong. Take care. The world is changing fast. And for more people than ever, gay and straight, it’s changing more toward love and away from fear – at least in this particular area.
It goes without saying that many of us have “been there.” This is the moral disaster that LBGT kids face every day. Some people are simply not fit to be parents.
“Dismayed by a reality-TV show featuring his ex-fiancee, Bristol Palin, and their son, Tripp, Levi Johnston plans to seek full custody of the boy.
In a statement to ABC News, Johnston wrote, “I want full or half custody of Tripp. His room is already set up in my house and just waiting for him.”
Here’s Levi with Tripp’s babysitter
“Palin, 21, and 3-year-old Tripp are featured on the Lifetime show, “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp.” Johnston says the show is proof that his ex is a terrible parent and his son is “on a downward spiral,” the gossip website TMZ reported.
TMZ reported that Johnston, 22, is so “disgusted” by his son’s language and behavior that he obtained the required court papers to file the custody petition.
“I love my son more than anything … and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he is raised the right way,” Johnston reportedly told TMZ.
In a recent episode of the show, Tripp threw a temper tantrum when told he couldn’t go to the pool. When his aunt, Willow, tried to calm him, Tripp told her and his mother that he hated them, then told Willow, “Go away, you f***!”
“Initial reports indicated Tripp had used an anti-gay slur, but his mother said in a blog post that he “used a different ‘f word.’” Palin confessed on the show to doing “a terrible job disciplining Tripp.”
Of her son’s behavior, she also wrote that the cameras “caught a moment on film that would cause any parent to be red in the face.”
What “different f word?” Run the clip again. it’s quite clear whart he’s saying.
“Johnston was Palin’s high school boyfriend. The pair have been engaged twice but are no longer a couple.
Under the terms of their child-custody agreement, Palin has primary custody and Johnston may visit Tripp.
The agreement prohibits either parent from publicly disparaging the other.
Since the pair split, she has been a spokeswoman for teen abstinence, written a book and appeared on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.” Johnston has posed for Playgirl magazine and written a tell-all book about his relationship with Palin and the Palin family.
Palin is the daughter of former Alaska governor and one-time Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.
The disclosure during her mother’s 2008 campaign that Bristol Palin, then 17, was pregnant created sweeping controversy.”
She’s an unfit mother. Right Oscar?
As for Levi, Marilyn will sing us out.