Latest FaBlog: Fait Diver — Bad Fish and Good Hair

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Just when you thought the Vatican couldn’t get more absurd–

IT DOES!

The Italian media is reporting that Pope Benedict XVI resigned after receiving the results of an internal investigation, delivered in a 300-page, two-volume dossier, that laid bare a sordid tale of blackmail, corruption and gay sex at the Vatican.

Not an entirely new story. Just three years ago –

Still –

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The respected Italian newspaper La Repubblica reported Friday

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that the report stamped “Pontifical Secret,” contained “an exact map of the mischief and the bad fish” inside the Holy See.

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The newspaper said the findings of the nine-month investigation, headed by Spanish cardinal, Julian Herranz , with the assistance of Cardinal Salvatore De Giorgi, former archbishop of Palermo, and Slovak cardinal Jozef Tomko, was delivered to the pope on Dec. 17, 2012.
“It was on that day, with those papers on his desk, that Benedict XVI took the decision he had mulled over for so long,” the newspaper said.
La Repubblica said the panel drew upon “dozens and dozens” of interviews with bishops, cardinals and lay people. It said the pope was kept apprised of the investigation in weekly meetings from April until December. The final, bound in red leather, is being kept in a safe in the pope’s Vatican quarters, the newspaper said.

What’s with the Big Smile?

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A similar story was carried by Panorama, a conservative weekly.
“What’s coming out is a very detailed X-ray of the Roman Curia that does not spare even the closest collaborators of the pope,” respected Vatican expert Ignazio Ingrao writes in Panorama. “The pope was no stranger to the intrigues, but he probably did not know that under his pontificate there was such a complex network and such intricate chains of personal interests and unmentionable relationships.”

You mean this?

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Or were you thinking of THIS?

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A Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi, has refused to comment on the reports.
“Neither the cardinals’ commission nor I will make comments to confirm or deny the things that are said about this matter. Let each one assume his or her own responsibilities. We shall not be following up on the observations that are made about this,” Lombardi said, according to the German news agency Deutsche Presse-Agentur.
In announcing his resignation Feb. 11, Benedict said that he no longer had the “strength of mind and body” to carry on. A conclave will select a new pope next month.
Lombardi has indicated that Benedict would meet with the three cardinals before stepping down Feb. 28, in one of his final private audiences.
La Repubblica reported that the pope would personally hand the confidential files to his successor, with the hope he will be ”strong, young and holy” enough to take the necessary action.
The investigation was triggered last May when the pope’s butler, Paolo Gabriele, was arrested and charged with having stolen and leaked papal correspondence that depicted the Vatican as a hotbed of intrigue.

Ratzi’s the Harry Lime of Popes

The papers were published in a blockbuster book. The butler was convicted in October of aggravated theft, and later pardoned.

Here he is — none too happy.

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Now we’re learning What The Butler REALLY Saw

The three-man panel, according to La Repubblica, discovered an underground gay network whose members organized sexual meetings in several locations, including a villa outside Rome, a sauna in Rome’s Cuarto Miligo distirct and even in a beauty salon inside the Vatican.

where they dogreat nails

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The gatherings, in turn, left them open to blackmail from people outside the Vatican, the report said, according to the newspaper.
La Repubblica quoted an unidentified man described as ”very close” to the authors of the dossier as saying it contained information about violations of the sixth and seventh commandments, which forbid adultery and stealing.
The British newspaper, The Guardian, notes that the sixth commandment also “is linked in Catholic doctrine to the proscribing of homosexual acts.”

How “Thou shalt not commit adultery” gets linked to Teh Ghey is a truly baroque Three-Card Monte move

The U.S. website, The Daily Beast, reports that investigative journalist Carmello Abbate went undercover with a hidden camera in 2010 in Rome to produce an expose called “Good Nights Out for Gay Priests.”

DO TELL MICHELLE!

In the basement dining room of Le Mani In Pasta, a trattoria in central Rome, a young, glossy-eyed couple stare at each other across a table for two. They smile and blush over a private joke. There is no handholding or kissing, but they are clearly more than friends, even though they are both wearing dark shirts and the telltale white clerical collar

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For residents of Rome, the sight of courting priests is hardly an anomaly. The phenomenon is a well-known secret here, and one that was largely ignored until last weekend, when the Italian weekly magazine Panorama published a shocking exposé called “Le Notti Brave Dei Preti Gay,” or “Good Nights Out for Gay Priests.” Investigative journalist Carmelo Abbate spent 20 days undercover posing as the boyfriend of a man who ran in gay clerical circles, secretly videotaping the sexual escapades of three Rome-based priests. Abbate caught the priests on hidden camera dirty dancing at private parties and engaging in sex acts with male escorts on church property. He also caught them emerging from dark bedrooms in time to celebrate mass. In one postcoital scene, “Father Carlo” parades around seminaked, wearing only his clerical vestments. Abbate’s “date” even had sex with one of the priests to corroborate the story. “This is not about homosexuality,” Abbate, who is not gay, told NEWSWEEK. “This is about private vices and public virtues. This is about serious hypocrisy in the Catholic Church.”

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The exposé has touched a nerve within the Catholic community in Rome, but Abbate doesn’t believe that it will have any effect, especially given the Vatican’s other sex scandal. Yet unlike the pedophile-priest crisis, which has so far reached scores of dioceses in the United States and Europe, the gay-priest problem is—so far—an issue just for the Rome diocese on the Vatican’s home turf. Most priests in Rome have some affiliation with the Vatican, and Abbate says one of the priests caught on tape also gave mass in St. Peter’s Basilica. The Vatican says that the offending priests from Abbate’s story will be sought out and stripped of their collars.

Hubba-Hubba!

Cardinal Agostino Vallini, head of the Rome diocese, is in charge of purging the offending clerics, and he has called on all gay priests who cannot respect the basic tenet of celibacy to get out of the priesthood. “Priests who are living a double life have not understood what the Catholic priesthood is and should not have become priests,” he said in a statement responding to the Panorama expose. “Consistency demands that they be discovered. We do not wish them ill, but we cannot accept that because of their behavior the honor of all the other priests is dragged through the mud.”

Lee

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Vallini may have the right idea when it comes to punishing those who break priestly laws, but the church as a whole seems to find it difficult to differentiate its sex scandals—and to determine what role celibacy plays in either situation. In April, Vatican secretary of state Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone famously blamed gay priests for the pedophilia problem during a press conference in Santiago, Chile. “Many psychologists and psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relationship between celibacy and pedophilia,” he said. “But many others have demonstrated, I have been told recently, that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia. That is true. That is the problem.”

The relationship between catholicism and pedophilia is the problem.

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Get out from under the hairdryer Ratzi. That beauty salon is no refuge dear.

Right girls?

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